V8.12 December 2006

0. Introduction.
1. New Year's Resolution!
2. New Year, New SVN, Ruby, and ImageMagick!
3. New Year, New Domain Transfer Locking!
4. New Year, New Suggestions!
5. New Year, New Charities!
6. New Year, DHSOTM!

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0. Introduction.

Well, I decided to keep it nice and easy this year, and only have ONE
resolution. That should make it a cake-walk to keep, right? (I mean,
unless that resolution was something like "stop mentally undressing my
employees," which would just be IMPOSSIBLE.)

Well, here it is, only January 5th, and I already broke that ONE measly
resolution.. I'm sure you've already guessed it by now: No more stupid
newsletters!

Ha, I bet you thought it was going to be something MUNDANE like "get all
the newsletters out on time"! Well, sorrrrry, but we all know that'd be
as "hard" as "no more imagining Brett naked"! No pun intended!

Ew.

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1. New Year's Resolution!

Since I can't even keep my company-related resolution for five days,
I figure the odds the whole company can keep its resolution are none to
slim. And what resolution may that be, you may ask?

http://blog.dreamhost.com/2007/01/03/new-dream-resolutions

And yes, you should know by now this whole newsletter is just a
back-handed way to get people to read the blog! And the whole blog is
just a low-down way to get us on the front page of digg! And the whole
getting on the front page of digg is just a deceitful way to get more
people to sign up with us! And the whole getting more people to sign up
with us is just a below-board way of letting me retire before I'm thirty.

After all, with modern medicine the way it is these days, thirty is the
new sixty-five.

So what IS that resolution? Well, why don't you just read the blog post,
then digg it, getting people to sign up, thereby allowing me to retire?

Or, for those of you who still haven't embraced these new "port 80" parts
of the Internets, I'll just summarize: We're getting our rep back! And
how are we doing it? By LOWERING DISK AND BANDWIDTH ALLOCATIONS (For new
customers only... I repeat, *THIS DOES NOT AFFECT YOU!* Also, if a new
customer signs up with a promo code, the allocations are not lowered)!

Earnest attempt to improve service or trashy used-car-dealership-style
high-pressure sales tactic? Read the blog! Read the comments! Consider the
facts! Then, decide it's the latter!

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2. New Year, New SVN, Ruby, and ImageMagick!

Hmm, maybe I COULD stick to my resolution and not write any more stupid
newsletters... it looks like this next section is ANOTHER regurgitation
of a recent bloggidy-blog-blog post.

http://blog.dreamhost.com/2006/12/29/more-holiday-gifting-software-upgrades/

(Way to go with the long post title, DAL-ASS!)

Again, for those of you who like your Internet reading where God
intended it to be, in pine, this post basically says we upgraded:

SVN to version 1.3.2,
Imagemagick to version 6.2.4,
and
Ruby to version 1.8.5.

And, despite what the post says, that Ruby upgrade is already everywhere
I do beeelieve.

I'd also, like the original blog post, nip any complaints about these
not being the ABSOLUTE newest versions that you just *had* to have in
the bud by saying:

"99% of the people on this planet don't even have a pair of underwear
without at least the _remains_ of a skid mark in them, MUCH LESS
SUBVERSION 1.3.2, you ungrateful LOONS!"

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3. New Year, New Domain Transfer Locking!

So count yer blessings.

And, count yer domain registrations, because you never know when someone
(or some THING) is going to hijack them from you!

But how? Doesn't a registrar have to get explicit permission via email
to transfer a domain to themselves? 'Tis true!

But somehow, scammers like "Domain Registry of America" (may they chew
turd peanuts and drink asparagus pee) get thousands of people to switch
their registrations to them every single month.

Which is why we (finally) now offer a FINAL line of defense against
having your domain registrations transferred away from us... domain
"locking"! Just see:

https://panel.dreamhost.com/?tree=domain.registration

There's a new column there about whether each domain you've registered
with us is currently "locked." If you click the "no" it will become a
"yes", and vice versa! Amazing! When a domain is locked, it simply CAN
NOT be transferred away from us. You've got to go back to that page and
specifically UNLOCK it before requesting a transfer away.

So, yeah, that's a feature I think people have asked for for about the
last 29 years. Though *I* never understood the real value in it, *I* am
not the one signing up for DreamHost so that *I* can retire before
*I'm* thirty.

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4. New Year, New Suggestions!

Features, shmeatures. That's what I always say. What people REALLY want
is less disk and bandwidth.

And it's my keen sense for these sorts of things that's kept DreamHost
on the right path all these years, through thick and thin, hell and high-
water, death and dismemberment, and even a little illicit drug use.

However, as I get up there in the years, it's perhaps a good idea if I
listen to the people an itsy bit more, sometimes. Which is why we've now
(or have we ALWAYS had it?) got a suggestions area where you can submit
your own ideas, but MORE IMPORTANTLY, vote on the ideas of others!

https://panel.dreamhost.com/?tree=home.sugg

This "wisdom of crowds" technique is perhaps the next best thing to my
own mystical sixth sense, derived from a mixture of mandrake root and
mental pictures of Patrick's bare buttocks, of what would be the next
best thing for us to focus on.

We just thought we should remind everybody about it, especially since we
just cleared out a bunch of old completed suggestions ("we" being
Dallas... which is why some of you probably got weird emails about
suggestions being completed that didn't make sense. He screwed it all
up. Dal-ASS!)

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5. New Year, New Charities!

Well, I don't seem to have any funny jokes, or rather, potty talk acting
as a crude proxy for *actual* humor left in me. So let me just lay the
facts on you:

We've got some new charities for you to donate to. It's SO easy, you
just go to:

https://panel.dreamhost.com/?tree=home.charity

and decide how much you want to give. We handle the rest, PLUS match
your donation. Easy as breaking a resolution. The new charities are:

http://ocw.mit.edu/

MIT's OpenCourseWare thing where you can learn all this great nerdy
stuff for free.. all the fun of MIT without the stuffy degree!

http://www.savedarfur.org/

Which kind of goes in hand with last month's DHSOTM, coincidentally.
They're trying to stop the genocide in Darfur, and it's crazy, they
have big billboards all over New York City (at least), and yet WE host
them. (Hopefully all the money won't just go to more billboards!)

For October through December the charities were Defective by Design, for
whom we raised $686.94 from 33 contributors and matched it, and Santa's
Helpers, for whom we raised $790.78 from 36 contributors and matched it!

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6. New Year, DHSOTM!

It wouldn't be a New Year if we didn't have a new DreamHost Site of the
Month, or as I just decided to specially award this month's winner, the
DreamHost Site of the YEAR! Holllllllly cow. The honor is a DOZEN times
its typical honor. Still zero.

Now, go visit:

http://www.expansionbroadcast.com/

and TRULY enjoy its dedicated drum and bass radio broadcasting live each
and every Friday, 7:00 to 11:00pm EST live from Washington, DC hosted by
Illeffect & Shade. Live.

Whoa, did they say 7 to 11pm EST Friday? That's RIGHT NOW! As the guy in
Spider-Man 2 who Peter Parker was delivering pizzas for said, Go-oo! (In
an Indian accent.)

https://panel.dreamhost.com/?tree=home.dhsotm

Go-oo there to make your OWN site the possible DHSOTY _next_ month!

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Go-oo,
Josh Jones!

P.S. If you have an Indian accent and were offended by my use of the
term "Indian accent", or if your name is Dallas or you live in Dallas
and you were offended by the use of the term "Dal-ASS", or if you're one
of the 99% and were offended by the use of the term "skid mark", or if
you work for DROA and were offended by the use of the terms "turd
peanuts" or "asparagus pee", or if you work for DreamHost and were
offended that I "imagine you naked", there will be no "hard" feelings if
you unsubscribe here:

https://panel.dreamhost.com/id/?tab=contact

Dream Host customer newsletter

Dream Host newsletter - V8.12 December 2006 - Dec 12, 2006