V6.07 July 2004

0. Introduction.
1. Domain registrations only $14.95/year!
2. Dropping the highest day from your bandwidth average!
3. Notification on quota approachment!
4. New charities!
5. DHSOTM.

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0. Introduction.

Ah, finally I find some time to relax and get down to the business that
is writing the Happy DreamHost July Newsletter! It's been a hectic week
in Boston, what with all the festivities for the DNC (DreamHost National
Convention).

What a week! 35,000 Happy DreamHost Delegates from all over this vast
nation, all converging on what turned out to be one big search for a
clean public restroom. But hey, at least we got something accomplished!
We did what we set out to do. Now the world finally knows for REAL who
we'd like to run DreamHost come November. ME!

Now please let me take a moment to re-iterate the cornerstones of my
campaign.

As president of DreamHost, I would make some serious changes to the way
things are run around here. Firstly, four years isn't nearly a long
enough term. I would immediately change the DreamHost presidency to be
for life... but with a twist! After the first four years, I would have
the option to retire peacefully, or to continue indefinitely. However,
if I choose to continue, all DreamHost customers and employees then
have the right to attempt to assassinate me and usurp my title!

BUT.. let me lay out some more ground rules. First, I get bodyguards.
Twenty-seven. And at least nine of them are ninjas too. Hopefully at
least 30% robotic. And, like Storm Shadow, eighth-degree black belts
in five martial arts. So good luck getting past them.

Second, the assassin(s) may only use a knife (or knives).

Thirdly, I have to be proven to be dead before the post is passed on.
This may prove more than a formality; for some reason I apparently
haven't had a pulse since at least February.

Okay, now that we've got that all squared away, let me get into some
of my other campaign promises!

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1. Domain registrations only $14.95/year!

As your new president, the second thing I would change at DreamHost is
the ridiculous price currently being charged for domain registration!

I've touched the American people, and I've felt their pain. I was once
one of you, and I know.. $25 is TOO MUCH for a year of domain name
registration!

High domain name prices don't know how to attack the _problems_ working
DreamHost customers face, and so they attack their _wallets_ instead.

That's why I'd put an end to their reign of tyranny! With an immediate,
and irrevocable 40% price cut! And not just for the richest 1% (although
we are the most deserving), but for EVERYBODY.

And to show you I'm not all hot air, I'm taking action now, even BEFORE
my inevitable election and inauguration, and have ALREADY dropped domain
prices to just $14.95/year. No matter whether you're white or black,
tall or skinny, happy or left-handed, you can now get any available
.com, .net, .org, or .info domain for just $14.95/year for life! And of
course, I'll still be keeping the current deal of one FREE domain for
every hosting plan forever.

Of course, .la and .md domains are excluded. They're still $50 and $150
a year each. But who cares about those doctors and Los Angeleaniteions..
they don't represent the true DreamHost customer anyway.

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2. Dropping the highest day from your bandwidth average!

The third key talking point of my campaign is something I know to be
very close to the heart of every DreamHost boy and every DreamHost girl.
I'm talking about values. Good old-fashioned DREAMHOST value. And not
having to PAY an arm and a leg to get them! And I'm talking about ONE
DreamHost, not a divided DreamHost where the privileged few don't have
to pay a lot for bandwidth, while the working class struggle just to
mold a little jello for their lunch.

That's why if come November, you elect me to be your DreamHost
president, I would no longer charge you for your highest day of
bandwidth usage each month! It's just not right that one day's
indiscretions should haunt good, honest, happy DreamHost customers the
rest of their billing cycle.

Maybe in China. Maybe in Russia. Maybe in France. But here in the good
old DreamHost of A, things are different. Here, if you're normally way
under your usage, and then one day, WHAMMO!!!!, some slashdot loser
links to your 1200MB Windows XP ISO, and before you can take it down
you've done 382 GB of transfer, we understand. You're off the hook.
We'll let it slide. Just as long as YOU let ME slide into office come
November, I'll look the other way. And that's more than another empty
promise, it's a bribe.

In fact, I'll go ahead and start dropping the highest day from your
bandwidth calculation each month right now! And I'm not even elected
yet.

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3. Notification on quota approachment!

The fourth cement column in the foundation of the building of a new
DreamHost, is something that my opponent wishes would just go away. Well
I'm sorry, but problems don't go away through wishful thinking, DALLAS.
They go away through action. Action, and a can-do mentality that will get
us through the rough times. If you vote for me, I'm not saying there
won't be problems. I'm just saying there won't be as MANY. Because I'll
nip them in the bud with early warning and automated email notification.
Whereas my opponent would definitely just waste your hard-earned money on
gold inlaid toothpaste and golf classes for his llama.

(I'm just implying that he'd probably rather do that. I'm not saying
_specifically_ that I have any hard proof he would, so please don't
infer too much from my statements. But I think you get the idea of what
kind of "man" this Dallas is.)

So, as my fourth "pillar of election", I'm happy to announce that under
my watchful eye, you will be able to turn on "disk usage notifications"
on all email and ftp/shell users with DreamHost. Then, when that user's
disk usage gets within 90% of their quota, they (as well as the overall
account owner) will get an automatic email notification warning them of
the impending cap bumpage!

Under my plan, there will be no more frustrated bouncing mail or script
errors due to "insufficient disk space". Under my opponent's plan, there
IS NO PLAN AT ALL. Unless by "plan" you count "spend more time reading
to the kids". But that's the kind of plan only a girlie man would devise.

And again, in a selfless show of good will, I've actually ALREADY made
good on yet another campaign promise! Just click the "edit" link for
any mailbox or user and you'll see the "notify me" checkbox ready and
waiting, my loyal constituency.

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4. New charities!

Now, I know I've impressed you with my can-do mentality, my wit, and
above all, my charisma. But all of that isn't worth a lick without
character. And that's why I'm about to tell you something not a lot of
people know about me. Something deeply personal about my inner soul.

I'm a giver.

It's true. I always have been, and always will be. And just as no one
questions the heart of a champion, no one dare questions the character
of a giver. That includes you.

Why, just today I (on behalf of DreamHost) donated $774 to the Leukemia
& Lymphoma Society.. and another $532.24 to the Chimp Collaboratory
(it's a long story). I was matching the generous donations of 34 Happy
DreamHost customers not too unlike yourself in fact. And I'd gladly do
it again, in a heartbeat, had I a pulse.

Pulse or no, I AM doing it again. This time, the rules are the same
though the causes have changed. This time, honest, good-working
DreamHost men and women CAN make a difference.. in the lives of refugees
on the border of Chad and Sudan, as well as the lives of open source
developers on the border of Windows and OS X.

So please. Donate today at:

https://panel.dreamhost.com/?tree=home.charity

And, when I'm elected, I'll use my new access to the bottomless coffers
of DreamHost WebHosting to match it!

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5. DHSOTM.

Before I go, I'd like to introduce to you my running mate in this year's
CRITICAL run for the DreamHost presidency, Mr. D. T. Wang:

http://www.dtwang.net/

Completely coincidentally, Mr. D. T. Wang's website is also the
DreamHost Site of the Month. If that's not a sign of how things are
going to go come election day, I'm not afraid of the color green!

I know you'd like to learn more about the enigma that is Mr. D. T. Wang,
and honestly, so would I. That's why it's a good thing he has a personal
weblog, harnessing the fund-raising capabilities in a way Howard Dean
could only dream an impossible dream of.

One of the MOST interesting things about Mr. D. T. Wang is his second
lady's name: "Trendy". If the Josh-D.T. ticket doesn't have a nice
enough ring for you, how can you refuse the Tweeny-Trendy lady ticket!
Not to mention, it's not so bad being Trendy, everyone who looks like
you is your friend.

Although dtwang.net is pretty much a lock through at least November,

https://panel.dreamhost.com/?tree=home.dhsotm

is where to go if you'd like to try your hand at the vice-presidency.

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Remember:
If it's not a vote for me, it doesn't count,
Josh!

P.S. I really appreciate the support of all my campaign contributors so
far! Since you've already made up your mind to vote for me, then you
could save a little bit of bandwidth and unsubscribe from these
newsletters via your contact preferences at:

https://panel.dreamhost.com/id/?tab=contact

AND I'LL SEE YOU IN THE WHITE HOUSE.com! Er.. .gov!

Dream Host customer newsletter

Dream Host newsletter - V6.07 July 2004 - Jul 7, 2004