WebHostingTop » Newsletter » V7.09 September 2005
Dream Host newsletter - V7.09 September 2005 - Sep 9, 20050. Introduction.
1. Unlimited Domains and Sub-domains!
2. $9.95 Domain Registrations!
3. Web Panel Revamp - All Plans Share Features!
4. MySQL InnoDB!
5. Gallery 2 One-Click Install!
6. DHSOTM
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0. Introduction.
Welcome Happy DreamHost customers, to another action-packed issue of
the DreamHost September newsletter!
This is a *special* edition because I've decided to take a time out from
the fascinating world of Web Hosting to make what is most likely a
futile attempt to broaden the horizons of Internet NERDS the world over.
Here we go.
Dear Internet NERD, there are other things in life BESIDES the Internet.
Things that actually *matter*, things that fill the hollow shell of your
soul with light and love, things worth _dying_ for.
I'm speaking, of course, of professional sports.
More specifically, the NFL, NBA, NHL, and MLB! (MLS and the olympics on
the other hand are things "you just don't discuss in polite company").
Where better to celebrate them than the September DreamHost newsletter,
seeing as it comes out in October and October is the only month of the
year (assuming you consider November 1st part of October) when all four
IMPORTANT leagues are in session? It truly is every healthy, god-
fearing, red-meat-eating, disco-avoiding, female-objectifying, American
male's DREAM MONTH!
Not to mention at the end of the month we get to dress up like pirates,
robots, ninjas and/or monkeys and eat all the sausage we can for
Hallowiener!
The rest of the newsletter I will devote to imparting my immense
knowledge of modern US sports to the less fortunate, namely you!
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1. Unlimited Domains and Sub-domains!
Let us first consider the NHL. A fresh season will start on Wednesday,
and the possibilities are unlimited. After a full season missed due to
labor disputes (the owners wanted to save electricity costs by just
keeping the ice at room temperature, the players demanded sandwiches)
right now, ANY team (except the Washington Capitals) could skate home
with the Ryder's Cup come June.
The limitlessness of a new NHL season is so awe-inspiring, I think I
just might have to tie it into our web hosting service in some way. In
fact I just might already have!
* Starting last week, all our shared hosting plans now come with
UNLIMITED fully-hosted domains and sub-domains, forever!
There's nothing for you to do and there's nowhere for you do it... just
sit back and add all the hosted domains you want to your account (this
isn't talking about domain REGISTRATIONS of course.. just hosting) and
let DreamHost sort them out.
How can we afford to offer such an amazing feature for so little?
Simple, it's taken a year of negotiations, but we've finally gotten the
owners to agree to keep our data center at 98 degrees! And no more
sandwiches!
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2. $9.95 Domain Registrations!
Next in our crash course of American sports is baseball! Baseball is a
weird sport because it's quite often the cheapest sport to attend, yet
the players are paid the most of any pro sport. For example, I believe
they were paying people $12 to attend the Giants games this weekend, but
at the same time Alex Rodriguez earned $20,000,000 per attempt to swat
away the ball while being tagged on his way to first like a little girl!
The way baseball can afford to pay its athletes so much while at the
same time keeping ticket prices and stadium refreshments so reasonable
is actually through a number of quite-unrelated side businesses. The
most lucrative of which is the bulk purchasing and re-selling of highly
desirable domain names! I KID YOU NOT.
It USED to be that only the richest sports franchise-owning billionaires
and the president of the United States could get into this literal GOLD
MINE of easy profits. But now, thanks to DreamHost lowering the price of
.com, .net, .org, and .info domain registrations to just $9.95/year even
YOU can now get in on this GUARANTEED PAYDAY! (You still get one free
domain registration with every shared hosting plan too of course.)
Just remember, you are required by law to send all profits made through
the resale of domain names to the New York Yankees. With the playoffs
beginning tomorrow, they need this money more than ever to offer
complimentary tickets to the starving children of the rest of the
league's players.
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3. Web Panel Revamp - All Plans Share Features!
And now for my favorite, the National Basketball Association! I have
particular affinity for the NBA because it was the professional league I
was MOST heavily recruited for back in high school. I decided to turn
them down though, figuring a career in Web Hosting would be more
lucrative while allowing a more promiscuous lifestyle. I have yet to
regret my decision.
If I had chosen to be an NBA superstar, I would have been turning down
the opportunity to completely re-jigger the DreamHost control panel
at my every whim and fancy whenever I wanted:
https://panel.dreamhost.com/
has had a number of changes, mostly based around the underlying change
that you no longer have to associate domains, users, etc.. with any
particular shared plan (should you have more than one). Now that that's
no longer a requirement, we're able to make a number of our processes a
lot simpler. For example, adding a secure (https) web site is now just
one step at the new "Domains > Manage Domains" area!
There are dozens of little improvements like this, all throughout the
panel, and if you can't find them, hopefully that's a sign that we've
done a good job making things a lot more intuitive, not that I'm lying
about making big changes.
Now excuse me while I get back to my "Web Hosting Hos."
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4. MySQL InnoDB!
Last but not least, it wouldn't be October if there wasn't the NFL. And
it wouldn't be October in the NFL if the Redskins weren't UNDEFEATED in
as many games! Not! HA HA HA! Really, being 3-0 in the modern era is a
completely new feature for the Washington Redskins.
And speaking of new features, we now offer InnoDB support on all new
MySQL databases anybody adds from our web panel (we still support
MyISAM tables as well of course!):
https://panel.dreamhost.com/?tree=goodies.mysql
What is InnoDB?
I say "HA!" again! Maybe if you spent some more time watching Monday
night football and less time at the MALL you would already know
everything in this Wiki article and wouldn't have to waste time going
there right now:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/InnoDB
Speaking of Monday night football.. Let's go Packers! And uh, Carolina
too! I don't want to alienate any customers here. Hooray for ties!
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5. Gallery 2 One-Click Install!
Well, that's it for all the REAL sports of the world. Now we get to the
seedy underworld of such niche sports as "soccer" and "tennis". I hate
wasting precious newsletter space on such obscure games so little of the
world gives a flying dutchman about, so I won't.
We now offer a new software package, Gallery 2, to our one-click install
area:
https://panel.dreamhost.com/?tree=goodies.installer
Gallery is pretty much the most full-featured online picture album
software money can't buy, and now it's super-easy to add it to your
DreamHost account!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL!
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6. DHSOTM
Well, I hope this whirlwind tour of everything that matters in the world
today has proven interesting. If not, you're in luck, because this
month's winner of the DreamHost Site of the Month contest is a site
dedicated to everything that mattered in the world of yesterday:
http://www.damninteresting.com/
Did you know, for example, that 63 years ago today Germany launched the
first successful test flight of the V-2 rocket, 1,100 of which later
killed over 2,700 British? I assume it's true. And now you see the value
of submitting your own site to the DHSOTM contest to be voted on by a
completely unbiased panel of your own sports-hating peers:
https://panel.dreamhost.com/?tree=home.dhsotm
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Hail to the Redskins,
Josh!
P.S. Maybe you prefer your sports news from a more reputable source?
https://panel.dreamhost.com/id/?tab=contact
is the place to go to update your DreamHost contact preferences so you
never receive the likes of this newsletter again!
Want to add a hosting newsletter ? Use the contact form to let us know!
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